Feb 19, 2013
Feb 17, 2013
Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest of them all?
As much as I like to say that girls and women should stand up for, and look out for each other, I can't say that women make this easy enough for each other to practice in real life.
Why do most women, in their private lives, not naturally inspire any loyalty or any feelings of empathy or even a 'sisterhood' among each other? Why do we find it difficult to cheer for or celebrate each other's accomplishments? We seem to do it well enough when we are in large groups but not in our private lives with fewer people around.
I read or heard somewhere recently that women are quite detail oriented but usually miss the big picture. I wasn't very flattered by such a description.
Some days ago I announced quite gleefully to my female friends that my sister was to marry soon. I expected some congratulatory messages but I must admit myself to have been quite surprised on not receiving a single such message from any of the twenty or more girls to whom I spread this news and who have met my sister personally. A few days later, someone did respond to me, not with any congratulations or with any good wishes for my sister's happiness but with questions about who the groom was to be. I wrote back to everybody quite openly describing my bro-in-law. While I know that everybody read what I wrote, nobody bothered again with expresssing any good wishes. Am I wrong to conclude that we do want the scoop on each other's lives, but we can't be bothered with niceties with each other? We don't immediately root for each other's success or happiness.
I'd like to be clear that this is no grudge trip. I know that my sister's or my happiness doesn't depend on anyone congratulating us. I can't help feeling a sense of disappointment in women, though I proclaim myself to be a feminist. I can't help but analyze this. I feel that these small things translate to a much bigger apathy for each other in more serious situations when we are called upon to support a fellow woman in our individual capacity. We seem to nurse a kind of passive hostility towards each other which comes to us too easily.
A common behavioral pattern that I have noticed is that while a woman does take fairly quickly to a woman who she believes to be no better than her, it's always difficult for her to appreciate another woman who she sees as better in some way. It just means to me that we are always competing with each other subconsciously, if not consciously. We are always trying to not only look good, but look better, sound better, come across as smarter than the other girl. When a girl meets another girl, the first instinct is to quickly size her up. Is she fatter since the last time? Is her make-up better? Are her clothes nicer? Are the guys paying more attention to her? We frequently greet each other with a "You've put on weight" rather than a "how are you". In being unkind to each other, we are also being unkind to ourselves.
I recognize that feelings of jealousy and competition are quite natural, we are all animals of the world. But shouldn't the fact that we have a more developed brain and a little more understanding than other animals mean that we should train ourselves to be less hostile to each other?
As a last note, some years ago as a teenager, in a brief moment of anger, I broke of contact with a friend from school. I was meeting her after a long time and was very happy to see her. As she was leaving, I complimented her on how splendid she looked, her response to me was that I looked 'very shabby' and then without another word, she was off on her way before I could get in another word. I've gone back to think of it many times, thinking that maybe I was too harsh or too hasty in cutting her off but it wasn't the first time she'd said something like that to me. What I want to bring out is that she doesn't inspire any good feelings in me to go back to being friends with her. I know that this behavior will be repeated because she sees no wrong in it and tells herself that this is only a joke and not any unkindness. I haven't lost any self-esteem because of her constant insensitivity, I've lost a friendship.
My intention in describing these incidents is not to nitpick or split hairs. I am not trying to criticize every woman, there are far too many great ladies around to make this a general statement for all women. However, it is my experience that it's harder to make friends with women even when I make extra efforts to be friendly with them. This is only to point out that we could treat each other a lot better. If we want to be treated well in a society which we share with men, I think a starting point is to respect and value each other. One billion rising events are a great platform to bring women together to dance but to raise it from being merely a mechanical exercise, a mindset change is needed. There is a need to self-reflect that in this world, a woman is the most natural ally for another woman. We need to remind ourselves to be as instinctively nice to each other as we are to men. Our good behaviour shouldn't be limited to those women who are either much older or much younger to us.
P.S. I wanted to name this post 'autopsy' but then I remembered that I'd named my last one 'the cadaver'.
Why do most women, in their private lives, not naturally inspire any loyalty or any feelings of empathy or even a 'sisterhood' among each other? Why do we find it difficult to cheer for or celebrate each other's accomplishments? We seem to do it well enough when we are in large groups but not in our private lives with fewer people around.
I read or heard somewhere recently that women are quite detail oriented but usually miss the big picture. I wasn't very flattered by such a description.
Some days ago I announced quite gleefully to my female friends that my sister was to marry soon. I expected some congratulatory messages but I must admit myself to have been quite surprised on not receiving a single such message from any of the twenty or more girls to whom I spread this news and who have met my sister personally. A few days later, someone did respond to me, not with any congratulations or with any good wishes for my sister's happiness but with questions about who the groom was to be. I wrote back to everybody quite openly describing my bro-in-law. While I know that everybody read what I wrote, nobody bothered again with expresssing any good wishes. Am I wrong to conclude that we do want the scoop on each other's lives, but we can't be bothered with niceties with each other? We don't immediately root for each other's success or happiness.
I'd like to be clear that this is no grudge trip. I know that my sister's or my happiness doesn't depend on anyone congratulating us. I can't help feeling a sense of disappointment in women, though I proclaim myself to be a feminist. I can't help but analyze this. I feel that these small things translate to a much bigger apathy for each other in more serious situations when we are called upon to support a fellow woman in our individual capacity. We seem to nurse a kind of passive hostility towards each other which comes to us too easily.
A common behavioral pattern that I have noticed is that while a woman does take fairly quickly to a woman who she believes to be no better than her, it's always difficult for her to appreciate another woman who she sees as better in some way. It just means to me that we are always competing with each other subconsciously, if not consciously. We are always trying to not only look good, but look better, sound better, come across as smarter than the other girl. When a girl meets another girl, the first instinct is to quickly size her up. Is she fatter since the last time? Is her make-up better? Are her clothes nicer? Are the guys paying more attention to her? We frequently greet each other with a "You've put on weight" rather than a "how are you". In being unkind to each other, we are also being unkind to ourselves.
I recognize that feelings of jealousy and competition are quite natural, we are all animals of the world. But shouldn't the fact that we have a more developed brain and a little more understanding than other animals mean that we should train ourselves to be less hostile to each other?
As a last note, some years ago as a teenager, in a brief moment of anger, I broke of contact with a friend from school. I was meeting her after a long time and was very happy to see her. As she was leaving, I complimented her on how splendid she looked, her response to me was that I looked 'very shabby' and then without another word, she was off on her way before I could get in another word. I've gone back to think of it many times, thinking that maybe I was too harsh or too hasty in cutting her off but it wasn't the first time she'd said something like that to me. What I want to bring out is that she doesn't inspire any good feelings in me to go back to being friends with her. I know that this behavior will be repeated because she sees no wrong in it and tells herself that this is only a joke and not any unkindness. I haven't lost any self-esteem because of her constant insensitivity, I've lost a friendship.
My intention in describing these incidents is not to nitpick or split hairs. I am not trying to criticize every woman, there are far too many great ladies around to make this a general statement for all women. However, it is my experience that it's harder to make friends with women even when I make extra efforts to be friendly with them. This is only to point out that we could treat each other a lot better. If we want to be treated well in a society which we share with men, I think a starting point is to respect and value each other. One billion rising events are a great platform to bring women together to dance but to raise it from being merely a mechanical exercise, a mindset change is needed. There is a need to self-reflect that in this world, a woman is the most natural ally for another woman. We need to remind ourselves to be as instinctively nice to each other as we are to men. Our good behaviour shouldn't be limited to those women who are either much older or much younger to us.
P.S. I wanted to name this post 'autopsy' but then I remembered that I'd named my last one 'the cadaver'.
Jan 31, 2013
The Cadaver
Sometimes I watch from afar
I stand by the cadaver,
watching as it stumbles,
as it crashes into rocks
drowning itself in swamps
It does not grieve me
because it did not happen to me
I leave its form behind
as the murky shadows approach
I have no part of it
This piece of flesh
which was never mine
It belongs to the early hawk
who must have its pecking
I chose to not see
when the hawk closed in
I looked away,
as the talons snapped,
I drowned out the grinding
It did not happen to me
This wasn't my being
I haven't lost a thing
and yet I am bleeding.
I stand by the cadaver,
watching as it stumbles,
as it crashes into rocks
drowning itself in swamps
It does not grieve me
because it did not happen to me
I leave its form behind
as the murky shadows approach
I have no part of it
This piece of flesh
which was never mine
It belongs to the early hawk
who must have its pecking
I chose to not see
when the hawk closed in
I looked away,
as the talons snapped,
I drowned out the grinding
It did not happen to me
This wasn't my being
I haven't lost a thing
and yet I am bleeding.
Jan 27, 2013
The other F-word
There's this F-word that's gotten me going these days. It's a rather misunderstood, misjudged word just like the people it seeks to describe. Feminism.
I remember growing up, I'd never looked it up in the dictionary but had gathered a rather negative connotation from the books I read and the people I heard talk. I always knew it was something undesirable, something not right, something shocking.
I did look up the dictionary a few days ago and it describes feminism as "the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men".
Not very shocking, is it?
The thing about feminism is that the thoughts have to come first and by yourself. A lot of people who agree with everything that feminism stands for, do not like to be called feminists. It probably had a worse PR team than the Tata Nano.
When did I first start thinking about feminism?
I've always thought about it. I've always yearned to live in a society that promotes equality between all genders. I'd like to be challenged just as hard as anybody else just as I'd like the same breaks as anybody else. I'd like to live in a society where the roads aren't more unsafe for me than for a man. I'd like to live in a time where my life decisions won't have to be influenced by all the special diktats that need to be followed exclusively by people of my gender. I want neither the pedestal, nor the pits.
I've only recently claimed the word feminist for myself. Last year, I read a book by the lesser known Bronte sister, Anne Bronte,"The tenant of Wildfell hall". When it was first published, it caused a sensation introducing the revolutionary idea that a woman could leave her husband if she was not happy and still be the heroine in the novel. She could slam the door in his face if he abused her. She could earn her own living and support herself and her child. This sent shock waves in a society where at the time, divorcee women were treated like pariahs. If they left their husbands, they lost custody of their children and also all of the money that they brought themselves into the marriage.
I wonder how many women of the time read Anne Bronte's passionate book and felt compelled to reclaim their independence and to strive to make their lives better again. I call it a passionate book even in the absence of a central love story because a woman's desire to live her life and to turn it around for the better even when all her choices turn out to be wrong is quite exhilarating and probably a much higher passion.
Another thought is that you can be a feminist while not burning your bras and not laying away the shaver. Hell, you can even like men! You can joke about feminism and feminists while raising a toast declaring yourself one!
I remember growing up, I'd never looked it up in the dictionary but had gathered a rather negative connotation from the books I read and the people I heard talk. I always knew it was something undesirable, something not right, something shocking.
I did look up the dictionary a few days ago and it describes feminism as "the doctrine advocating social, political, and all other rights of women equal to those of men".
Not very shocking, is it?
The thing about feminism is that the thoughts have to come first and by yourself. A lot of people who agree with everything that feminism stands for, do not like to be called feminists. It probably had a worse PR team than the Tata Nano.
When did I first start thinking about feminism?
I've always thought about it. I've always yearned to live in a society that promotes equality between all genders. I'd like to be challenged just as hard as anybody else just as I'd like the same breaks as anybody else. I'd like to live in a society where the roads aren't more unsafe for me than for a man. I'd like to live in a time where my life decisions won't have to be influenced by all the special diktats that need to be followed exclusively by people of my gender. I want neither the pedestal, nor the pits.
I've only recently claimed the word feminist for myself. Last year, I read a book by the lesser known Bronte sister, Anne Bronte,"The tenant of Wildfell hall". When it was first published, it caused a sensation introducing the revolutionary idea that a woman could leave her husband if she was not happy and still be the heroine in the novel. She could slam the door in his face if he abused her. She could earn her own living and support herself and her child. This sent shock waves in a society where at the time, divorcee women were treated like pariahs. If they left their husbands, they lost custody of their children and also all of the money that they brought themselves into the marriage.
I wonder how many women of the time read Anne Bronte's passionate book and felt compelled to reclaim their independence and to strive to make their lives better again. I call it a passionate book even in the absence of a central love story because a woman's desire to live her life and to turn it around for the better even when all her choices turn out to be wrong is quite exhilarating and probably a much higher passion.
Another thought is that you can be a feminist while not burning your bras and not laying away the shaver. Hell, you can even like men! You can joke about feminism and feminists while raising a toast declaring yourself one!
Jan 25, 2013
I've stormed out of the mountains,cracked the unyielding rocks to fragments
I've gushed gently by the little shrubs,cradled its fine seeds in my currents
I've been this or that,I've been one thing or the other and everything
I saw you along the way, you who feared me and yet loved me
You felt one thing or the other for me,
you thought the world of me and yet betrayed me.
-The River
I've gushed gently by the little shrubs,cradled its fine seeds in my currents
I've been this or that,I've been one thing or the other and everything
I saw you along the way, you who feared me and yet loved me
You felt one thing or the other for me,
you thought the world of me and yet betrayed me.
-The River
Nov 23, 2012
Aug 15, 2012
Jul 11, 2012
The girl with the crazy obsession!
I read Steig Larsson's Millenium trilogy. All three. In two nights.
May 17, 2012
If it weren't for cocoa!
God is a very sympathetic and logical person. He made the man and he made the woman but he'd already made chocolate first so they could both stand being around each other.
May 16, 2012
Peace
I've just started to understand why so many wars were fought for the cause of Peace.
As a teenager, I had the more romantic view of the world no doubt created by the movies and TV I watched that any kind of strife is not justified if what you proclaim to want is peace. How can peace come out of turmoil or bloodshed or antagonism? Hate breeds hate? I didn't consider that most human beings do have short memories and we have been mentally conditioned to conform to what is being preached out to us by our society and the governments. One thing swiftly replaces another.
As I grew older, a bit more rebellious and the books became complicated, life more challenging and TV nonexistent, I started to believe what I sometimes heard being said - that peace isn't real, doesn't exist at all. Its just an idea constructed by the powerful__ (insert capitalists/communists/any of the others of your choice) to lull us into submission for the support of whatever they wanted at the moment.
At this stage of my life, I feel that peace does exist. You do have to fight for it. I do not think of Peace as a happy feeling certainly not the Archies greeting kind, its not what you feel after you've just had the last word or revenge. I hope to be able to describe it in this lifetime. Maybe its something to do with losing a part of your mind and still coming out mostly all right.When you're not hopeful or expectant or depressed when the final chapter closes or when 'order' is restored.
Some would call it being dead.
I will have to get better at explaining things. Peace is the kind of luxury that I wouldn't hesitate to fight for during the remainder of my life.
P.S. Do I sound glum? :p
May 5, 2012
The Voice
The thoughts shatter like glass
Its that voice again,
the voice in my mind
piercing me with the shards
Drowning out everything else
Its always that same voice
saying all sorts of things
some witty, some careless
some cheery,some melancholy
some comforting,some teasing
Its burrowed deep into my soul
Its etched into my mind
Sad though it seems,
its all thats left of you
A voice in my head.
Someday it will be cut,
Dying among the unyielding walls
Like all else that was shared
the voice will be forgot
What will remain then?
The reasons, the justifications
the causes, the effects
the what ifs, the why nots
And when I'm alone, the regrets.
Its that voice again,
the voice in my mind
piercing me with the shards
Drowning out everything else
Its always that same voice
saying all sorts of things
some witty, some careless
some cheery,some melancholy
some comforting,some teasing
Its burrowed deep into my soul
Its etched into my mind
Sad though it seems,
its all thats left of you
A voice in my head.
Someday it will be cut,
Dying among the unyielding walls
Like all else that was shared
the voice will be forgot
What will remain then?
The reasons, the justifications
the causes, the effects
the what ifs, the why nots
And when I'm alone, the regrets.
Apr 1, 2012
Sweet Nothings
Its past midnight and I'm listening to Adele crooning out her love to someone. I feel light tonight and I haven't even downed any breezers today.*Mighty pleased with myself* :)
I've just instilled some new enthusiasm in me to start walking again after a rather painful week with my knee and also study again.
But we shan't waste valuable post space on injured knees and ruthless exams!
This week I made a little ad/poster for a friend who's starting a lunch delivery service. It was only half-hour's work but my mind felt rather alive in those few minutes. The bonus was that my friend was quite happy with it!
Adele's moved on to setting fire to the rain by the way.
I've just instilled some new enthusiasm in me to start walking again after a rather painful week with my knee and also study again.
But we shan't waste valuable post space on injured knees and ruthless exams!
This week I made a little ad/poster for a friend who's starting a lunch delivery service. It was only half-hour's work but my mind felt rather alive in those few minutes. The bonus was that my friend was quite happy with it!
Adele's moved on to setting fire to the rain by the way.
Mar 11, 2012
Read in Cate Blanchett's voice :D
"The world is changed
I feel it in the water
I feel it in the earth
I smell it in the air
Much that once was is lost."
I love Tolkien's 'The Lord of the Rings' and I can't stand anyone who doesn't like it.
Well, its been three days in this new house and I came across my copy of the book with the bookmark in place from the last time I read it. I got transported to the Shire immediately. I love how beautifully they shot the movies.
The beginning lines I picked for this post quite accurately sum up how I feel about how this past fortnight has been. On second thought minus some of the dramatics from the lines.
Its been a depressing week mostly cause I've been fighting with people and also cause I've flunked some important exams. I expected that, I fell sick and dizzy at the exam center.What's completely infuriating is how close I was to passing for the second time!
Now I have to start from scratch at finding a cheap place to stay in the US while I make the short trip to write the exam again.
Oh about the new house, its okay,I guess. It was a nightmare finding a place to stay after coming back.
This time I've promised myself that I'll do whatever I want on my own and without taking any help. Accepting any sort of help from anyone is not turning out to be very good for my mental health.
"The world is changed
I feel it in the water
I feel it in the earth
I smell it in the air
Much that once was is lost."
I love Tolkien's 'The Lord of the Rings' and I can't stand anyone who doesn't like it.
Well, its been three days in this new house and I came across my copy of the book with the bookmark in place from the last time I read it. I got transported to the Shire immediately. I love how beautifully they shot the movies.
The beginning lines I picked for this post quite accurately sum up how I feel about how this past fortnight has been. On second thought minus some of the dramatics from the lines.
Its been a depressing week mostly cause I've been fighting with people and also cause I've flunked some important exams. I expected that, I fell sick and dizzy at the exam center.What's completely infuriating is how close I was to passing for the second time!
Now I have to start from scratch at finding a cheap place to stay in the US while I make the short trip to write the exam again.
Oh about the new house, its okay,I guess. It was a nightmare finding a place to stay after coming back.
This time I've promised myself that I'll do whatever I want on my own and without taking any help. Accepting any sort of help from anyone is not turning out to be very good for my mental health.
Mar 8, 2012
I'm going to hell ye all!!
Or maybe I'll end up stuck in limbo forever before I can even get there. Hell seems too ambitious a dream to have.
Reading the above does make me uneasy now. I've usually been able to make at least one dark or mildly funny joke in my head during tough times. This time nothing feels even remotely funny.
Well, I think I'm going to hell cause I'm collecting so much bad karma. Everybody around seems so disappointed in me. I think if I went near Janis, I might just disappoint her as well. Dogs like dead meat better.
In fact I think I should set up my own customer complaint desk to field all the calls. Send me a memo!
I remember when I was on my flight back to this place, I kept praying "Oh please God, can't we land in Jamaica rather than Bangalore?". I mean the two aren't very far,are they? A teensy, little detour could hardly do any one any harm.
Then God granted my wish and sent me to a place that goes by the name 'Rock bottom'.
P.S. Whenever I feel better, I'm quite likely to come back and remove this post. I guess its better to just leave it alone for better or for worse. So what if all this sounds rather pathetic and self-indulgent
Or maybe I'll end up stuck in limbo forever before I can even get there. Hell seems too ambitious a dream to have.
Reading the above does make me uneasy now. I've usually been able to make at least one dark or mildly funny joke in my head during tough times. This time nothing feels even remotely funny.
Well, I think I'm going to hell cause I'm collecting so much bad karma. Everybody around seems so disappointed in me. I think if I went near Janis, I might just disappoint her as well. Dogs like dead meat better.
In fact I think I should set up my own customer complaint desk to field all the calls. Send me a memo!
I remember when I was on my flight back to this place, I kept praying "Oh please God, can't we land in Jamaica rather than Bangalore?". I mean the two aren't very far,are they? A teensy, little detour could hardly do any one any harm.
Then God granted my wish and sent me to a place that goes by the name 'Rock bottom'.
P.S. Whenever I feel better, I'm quite likely to come back and remove this post. I guess its better to just leave it alone for better or for worse. So what if all this sounds rather pathetic and self-indulgent
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