The Gender Handicap

As our civilization grows older, our lives have become easier than ever before but it seems to me that all this growth and innovation is only one dimensional for most people, even the educated ones. One thing I've recently learnt from my sister is that as you advance and improve your life and accumulate new things for your comfort, it is also important to dispose off the old, non-functional things to make your personal space orderly and clutter-free (in other words house-cleaning!). I think this extends to the mind as well. I find it's very important to purge your mind of rubbish, especially most of the rubbish passed down over generations. In the last few days, looking about me makes me feel that in an effort to be male and female, we frequently forget how to be humans.

Human values apply to everybody but gender values differ for every gender, are usually unfair to the those involved and I believe are very limiting. A scene I once observed on a crowded bus comes to mind. It was a rare, blistering hot day in Bangalore. A large family boarded the same bus as me, it consisted of a set of grand parents and their two sons and wives with their small children. All three women, young and old were wearing sarees with a ghunghat or veils drawn over their faces. Their obvious discomfort in this situation made me realize how our established gender related obligations have no regard for human vulnerabilities. If your life is difficult already, then be sure that it could become worse if you live around members of the gender police. If you're a man, you'll be ridiculed if your likes/dislikes are not manly enough, if you don't establish your masculinity through random acts of machismo, if you'd like to leave your job to look after the children while your wife works, if you participate in house decoration, and don't you dare cry in public or dress bright or 'girly'! If I started the strictures on how a woman ought to behave, this post would never end and I have garbage to throw out early in the morning.

All I'm trying to say is that things would be so much better around us if we looked at people around us as humans first before throwing the gender book at them. If everybody was human first empathizing with each other for wanting the same basic things in their lives, we wouldn't be thwarted by our genders while trying to pursue the same basic goal. People wouldn't have to suffer in the heat on crowded buses because their father-in-law shouldn't see their hair. Everyone could make a comfortable journey to the end.